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| I don't want a boyfriend. but i have a chris. and chris has an excessively needy sister. I don't know if I can handle the needy sister. She calls him every morning that she's not with him crying and yelling about how he never spends time with her. She needs to learn that she's got a fucking boyfriend and her brother needs to have his own life. I, of course, need to realize that she has issues and a severe dependency on her brother. But still, when I'm stranded and he can't wake up to come and get me because he spent the night getting yakked with her, that's fucked up. And I have to go to work. I'm just pissed off and I feel bad for chris because he's in the middle of it. which is why i try not to go crazy, but it's hard when I want to act like a little kid and throw fits. She's allowed to. Why can't i? Because I'm a grown up. Kind of. Whoo what fun.
I guess it'll pass...
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| It's weird to think how satisfied I used to be with life, and how unsatisfied I am now. The thing is I hate change. Everyone does, it's human nature to be accustomed to something, and when then something leaves or mutates it's no longer what it always has been and therefore familiarity and comfort are lost. The thing is I don't know how to get comfortable again. I don't know what it is that I had at one time, that I no logner have. I'm kind of addicted to people I suppose, and now I don't have an infinite list of people that I want to see. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to do anything. But I NEED to. it's a terrible place to be. I feel like there should be something more. Even my family isn't quite enough to satisfy me. I think I'm just going to go to sleep and wait for my melancholy to pass. There's nothing else to be done. All of my comforts are gone. | | |
| I found myself staring at the wall of father's day cards at walmart, blocked from touching by a row of wives, daughter's and sons all doing the exact same thing I was. Making a card relevant to the relationship you feel with your father. It proved difficult, and I ended my journey to walmart picking out a card that made what i felt superficial and shallow. The front read, "Voted Number 1 Father" and on the inside was "Good thing there wasn't a swimsuit contest" It wasn't exactly what I wanted to say, but it worked out. We both got a good laugh. But it didn't quite get across my message. What I had wanted to say was that no matter all the shit that you and mom have put me through, I will love you. No matter how unhappy or dissatisfied I am with how what you've done has affected me, you will be my father and nothing will change that. I try to think of how it is for my dad to be separated from his entire family for so long, and I feel bad. But the fact of the matter is he fucked up and there's nothing else to be done. He refuses to admit fault and therefore I am at a loss as to helping him. So, I just go and see him once a week at my aunt and uncle's house where we enjoy a steak dinner together. I don't even want to think about how this is going to affect me later in life. | | |
| My friends suck.
they left me all alone while they went swimming.
whatever fuck it.
I'm so not happy right now.
and i'm not even allowed to be angry | | |
| Facebook and myspace are just pissing me off....
I went to the mall. That was fun. I guess.
I have to work at 7 tomorrow morning though, and that is really sad.
ahhhh... I'm actually kind of tired. | | |
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